There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
