i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
