I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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