oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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