i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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