the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
