Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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