life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
