I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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