what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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