I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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