really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
