fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize