I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize