Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
