I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
