she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
