dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize