Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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