Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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