i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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