I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
