That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
