john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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