If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
