you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
