Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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