I hate all girls vehemently.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
