you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Please, let me fuck your mom
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
