she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
