so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
