Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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