youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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