I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
