I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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