He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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