I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize