i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
