Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
