This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Green mimosas i think yes
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There's always time for handjobs
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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