The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
