Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
