I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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