I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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