I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
