Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
