God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
