Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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