Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
