ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm both gender and math confused
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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