i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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