I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
