i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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