Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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