Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
