Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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