There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
