The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
