i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
