he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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