It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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