I met the friendliest cop last night
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize