I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
