I can text with my tongue
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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