new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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