My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
