How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
