I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
