when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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