i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
