Don't make out with my wife yet
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
