What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
