No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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