You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
