How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I supernannyed him into submission
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
