She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
