where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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