Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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