i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
