Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize