matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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