I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
