Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
