I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
