sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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