you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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