I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
