So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
